“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.”
Poet Muriel Rukeyser

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Disorientation: A Jobian State


Disorientation, a state of confusion. A place of darkness. A sense of being lost. Where is God? I move through my life these days like Job, I am in a jobian place. I proclaim to the people the Good News, but I wonder where it is in my own life? I really trust that God is here with me in this muddle. But I just wish I were not so lost.


Some stretches of life are like this. We all go through them. Mine has lasted the better part of four years, each year getting slightly more intense. Job. Small church. Family stuff. Marriage stuff. All aspects of my life are affected right now.


I need to make a change, and despite my best efforts, even that seems impossible. The tires of my soul are stuck in the snow. It doesn't help to accelerate. It doesn't help to get out and push. I'm not even sure it will help to dig my way out.


I think I have to wait. Wait for the spring thaw. Wait for the summer dryness. Wait until this season passes.