“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.”
Poet Muriel Rukeyser

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Ok...the world has not ended....and I'm still breathing

I have said more than one lately that the only way I know how to pray these days is through my breath...or rather...in the act of breathing. I am virtually unable to spend time in silence, which used to be my preferred prayer posture....silent...contemplative.

Now, well, NOW I rarely find prayer in words. I never (almost never) find prayer in silence - BECAUSE - I can't find the silence...my inner spirit is beyond silence....

So. I settle for breathing.

Yesterday was a dreadful day...but I lived through it. We all lived through it.

I thought I was through the worst of it....but silly me....I should know better.

Last night another parishioner began an emotional bleed-out...I swear I experience something like this about every other week....some parishioner having a melt down about something, usually not life threatening, but well, for that person it feels as though life as it is known is being threatened....

Generally they are about things like implementing new security measures to protect our valuables. Or adding a little something else to the worship service, or at least some of the services....or perhaps two services a year...

I think it has been weeks since I have slept well. Oh sure I might have a night or two but then the bleed-outs begin again and then, no more sleep....

I called the consultant today and shared what has gone on since we spoke last, in early Sept. He is such a great voice of reassurance. It helps me to hear that my leadership is heading in the right direction....this from someone who really knows, really gets it....

Thanks to all of you too for your kind words of support and hope....

So. Even though every muscle feels tight and my neck is all out of wack....The world has not ended. I am still breathing.