Monday, May 14, 2007

Trying On Clothes, A Metaphor for These Days

Over the last year I have entered myself into (or been entered in) five search process for a new call at a new church. It started in Sept. of 2006 and culminated last week when four out of the five called, or sent a letter, letting me know that they have chosen someone else. (Ok. so there is still one out there, but I haven't heard from them in weeks, so I'm thinking they have gone in a different direction)...

Ok. Yes, it is true that I felt that none of these churches turned out to be a good fit for me, so the calls were all correct. But can I say that it still stings? It's really hard to maintain the perspective of call and realize that the Holy Spirit is in here somewhere when the EGO keeps getting in the way. (ie "What's wrong with me? What did I do/say/not do/ not say???).

In many ways I am relieved. My family does not want to move anywhere. Our daughter is just getting herself established in the world of horses, competing, and all things equestrian. But she is not ready to live on her own and support herself. The stress of it all was causing her to have health problems. Our son has settled nicely into High School with good friends. He has a girl friend and they are going to prom. It's a little freaky to see your little boy grow up. More so than my daughter, I think? And. Like I said, none of these churches, in the end, felt quite right. Weird.

On paper they all seemed "perfect." The phone interviews gave me more info. Some were exciting, others a bit more "dull." The on site visits, here or there, really told the truth.

A friend of mine used the analogy of buying and trying on clothes. You want a new outfit so you go shopping. You bring several items into the fitting room, excited at the possibility. But, when you try them on, nothing fits quite right.

Sadly, small church, where I currently serve, is running out of money. Or to continue the metaphor, it's getting old and worn out. Yes. I can continue to "wear" it for awhile longer. It's comfortable and a reasonably good fit. But it will not last forever.

So. I will need to go shopping again. But. I think I need to wait a few days for I start looking.


Songbird said...

I have some thoughts, but they are probably better spoken a few days from now. For the moment, cyber-hugs are the best I can offer.

mompriest said...

Thanks, SB. I look forward to your thoughts...

Mother Laura said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, MP. I know from the academic job search how hard it is to keep coming in second even when you know all the good things you know and have the good attitude you have and find all the silver linings you do.

Prayers for God's arms of comfort to wrap round you as you adjust to the latest round, and for you to be led to the perfect place at the perfect time. And to find all the joy and peace you can where you are now in the meantime.

I don't think I have ever mentioned this, but I really appreciate how you helped welcome and honor me as a new RevGal. And the quiet bond and some perspectives we share as, well, mompriests.

If you ever want to vent offblog I'm at laura AT grimes DOT ws.


Homily for the Festive Eucharist at the closing of the Episcopal Women's Caucus

The readings that we chose for the service tonight were all picked specifically for this service because they lift up the role of women ...