Seeking Authentic Voice

Holy and Gracious One, God of our Mothers and Fathers, we give you thanks, this day and every day. Thank you   for this gift of life, a precious blessing, a hope - that we may magnify Your Name. Be with us as we labor through   this life. Be with us as we struggle through pain. Be with us in our suffering. Be with us   through the storms the ice, snow, wind. Real or metaphor. Be with us this day. Be with us as we labor to birth new life, whatever   that new life might be. Be with us that we can be your hands   and heart in a broken world. Amen Prayer poem and photo by Terri c. Pilarski

What is prayer? A moment of silence Listening for a word Listening for direction Listening for hope Listening for rhythm Listening for the Divine. A feeling of peace When chaos abounds When there is noise all around When inside is in turmoil When the thrumming never ends But somehow, peace prevails. What is prayer? Spending a moment Anticipating God Trusting in love and willing to follow. What is prayer? This beautiful day. The lavender sky. The cool breeze at dawn. The bird song welcoming the sun. What is prayer? The indigo sky with glowing stars. The crickets singing the night song. The evening creatures nibbling clover. The orange moon slowly rising.   What is prayer? My time to sit and be with God and let go of everything else for just a moment. What is prayer? This moment.   May it be so. Amen. Prayer poem and photo by Terri C. Pilarski

God our Mother birthing new life through chaos God our Father building hope from the dark night God our Sister comfort us in times of sorrow God our Brother guide us through the storms, calm water God of the Night brighten our darkdays, with Your warm light God of the Day show us the way, to love as you God, mystery One in Three and Three in One Parent, child, friend Comforter, Grace Spirit, Love Lover, One, All Infinite One Compassion Sun, Moon, and Stars Earth, Wind, and Fire Water, Life. In Your Image Abide in us We in You In your Image In Your image Mystery. Amen. Poem prayer and photo by Terri C. Pilarski Crossposted on  RevGalBlodPals Tuesday Prayer

There are words inside of me, challenging, difficult words emotional, reactive words words that reveal my fear words that rise up again because I am confronted with old emotions, long resolved -  or so I thought -  which need to be worked through again. What do I do with these words? If I keep them inside will they fester? If I say them out loud will they  be heard as a hope to deepen understanding and not just complaining or whining or being the kind of person who keeps bleeding out words of pain - you know that kind of pain,  over and over until we all  wonder when that person  will grow up and gain insight  and maturity and maybe some reconciliation. Yeah. Those words. And those feelings.  Sure. I can hand the words  over to God.  I can do my part to be fully aware of their impact on me, the way that the words are honest and real. And the way that words are rea...

Now eighteen months of  prayer, discerning, searching, wondering...  after reviewing, considering, interviewing,  listening, wondering, praying.   Now, this day,  the day of an election  who will be elected Bishop?   Will the Holy Spirit prevail?  Will the course be set,   a prophetic course, or  one that holds the course,  the status quo,  the comfortable and safe?   Who knows?   Only time will tell.   But out of all who   made themselves vulnerable -   willing to stand  and reveal and  try to be authentic -  these four nominated  have given their all.   I pray for each of them.  One will be elected,  thrilled, humbled, honored.  Three will be broken hearted   and the loss great  and for them my prayers are   deeper...

"Americans, of course, have made of God a casual circumstance. We have prayer meetings with coffee cups in our hands and listen to psalmody with our legs crossed and our arms spread eagled on the back of our pews. We avoid churches and say that since God is everywhere, any place is good enough. All of which is true, at one level. But Benedictine spirituality says also that to know God in time and space we must regularly seek to find God in one time and space that enables us to recognize God more easily in every other one." - Joan Chittister, "Rule of St. Benedict: A Spirituality for the 21st Century When I was nineteen years old, attending college in a small town in southern Illinois, I learned how to meditate. Transcendental Meditation was a new thing in those days, and disciples of TM were in town proselytizing and recruiting followers. I followed. I remember the instructions clearly and even the mantra they gave me. Meditate twice a day for 20 minutes. Use the mantr...

I wish I could capture the gentle morning light soft lavender and pink, caressing the green trees that hold a hint of fall, a little red and yellow I wish I could capture the peace of early light the song of birds waking and rabbits nibbling clover signs that life goes on no matter the angst of humans I wish I could hold the beauty of this world before all the anger and angst and fear of people and say, all will be well if we but love one another I wish I could hold the love that God has  for God's creatures and creation as an embrace a holding place of calm and peace and grace I wish I could carry everyone in this holding place and soothe the worries with a gentle touch to furrowed brows with a pat on the back and soothing sway, like calming babies I wish that each one of us could look at one's self and wonder, how could I be different? What is being triggered in me? Instead of casting out anxiety, taking time to understand ...

The other day someone asked me if I was having a “crisis of faith.” A crisis of faith implies that I am doubting my belief in God or in the way God works in my life or the world. I do, often, doubt.  However my life long relationship with God, grounded in prayer and an existential sense that God is with me (us), assures me that my doubts are actually about me. I doubt because I am struggling. Yet, even as I struggle I know that God will once again show God’s presence and I will see, probably in hindsight, how God is and has been present.  So I live in a paradoxical reality of doubt and trust. As a result I don’t worry about my doubts and because I don’t worry about them I don’t fall into a “crisis” of faith. I just keep trying, more or less successfully, to  stay in relationship with God, self, and others, until this time passes. Because it always passes. Which is what I said to the person who asked me that question.   That doesn’t mean I am comfort...

When Dan and I were first married he worked in the computer industry designing and selling systems, from servers to computers to software, from installation to training, to law schools, universities, and graphic artists, primarily using Apple products. Beginning in the 1980’s including the twenty-two years that Dan worked in that industry, I’ve been inundated with technology. We had one of the very first Apple desktop computers. I was in seminary in the mid 1990’s when I first started using the internet, on a dial-up access, to do research for papers. I’ve built websites and Facebook pages and blogs for myself and churches I've worked for, including this church, and as well as for the many social justice groups I work with. Soon my son will graduate from Eastern with a degree in internet security, which is primarily about preventing hacking but also considers internet law and ethics. Dan, Peter, and I have lively conversations about all of this, although my input is primarily on t...

When my children were little we had a daily habit of praying two prayers. One was the prayer before meals: Bless us oh Lord and these thy gifts which are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.  The second one I prayed with each child at bedtime. It comes from the New Zealand Prayerbook:  Dear God, Thank you for today. I am sorry if I have been unkind to anyone. Help us to forgive each other. Thank you for my family and friends. Please be with me tonight. Amen.  The bedtime prayer in particular became an opportunity for me to talk with my children about our day, what had gone well, to reflect on occasions to forgive and be forgiven, to consider how we responded to life’s challenges, and how we might respond better the next time.  As an adult my preferred way of praying is in silence. I spend 30 minutes every day in silent prayer. I give myself over to that liminal space and open myself to the possibility that God may spea...

Many years ago when I was just a candidate for the priesthood in the Episcopal Church my ordination process hit a road block. I was one of several seminarians at my seminary who did not do as well on her GOE's as was expected. I no longer remember but I think I "failed" in two areas, and again, I don't remember what areas I failed in. I only remember that the COM in the diocese put my process on hold so they could do some remedial work with me. At the time it felt like a huge big deal. I was finished with seminary and had to move from the seminary housing but I couldn't get a job and had no idea what was going to happen when all was said and done. My family and I were in total limbo. It was frustrating and frightening. Some on the Standing Committee said that if a person couldn't sustain all seven areas then the person should not be ordained. My mentor, a gifted, wise priest, said that she too had failed in an area or two, and she thought that failing GOE'...

Summer is one of my favorite seasons. One of them because I like all four. Here in southeast Michigan we do have four seasons, and spring can be lovely. Spring in this region can bring blooming fruit trees and yards full of spring flowers with comfortable temperatures that last three weeks or more. (Hey, that is not bad considering other nearby regions have a dreary spring that feels more like winter and then suddenly it's hot and summer). Still, despite the lovely spring climate here, summer is one of my favorite seasons. I don't really mind being hot although I am not fond of high humidity. Being drenched all the time is just not my thing. Aside from the stickiness of humidity I like the ease of slipping on a pair of sandals, shorts and a T-shirt and heading out the door. No need for layers of attire, summertime walks are easy. Walking, for me, is a means for maintaining good health and a social justice statement. Instead of driving I walk every where I can anytime I am able....

A reflection on the readings for Proper 12C : Hosea 1:2-10; Luke 11:1-13 Mechtild of Magdeburg, who lived in the thirteenth century, was the first German woman to write poetry and spiritual texts in Middle-High-German instead of Latin. Little is known about her except that she must have been of noble descent. Her adult life was spent with a group of unmarried women who lived together caring for the poor and the sick. Mechthild lived first in Magedeburg and then at a convent in Helfta. Here is one of her poems: How God speaks to the Soul And God said to the soul: I desired you before the world began. I desire you now As you desire me. And where the desires of two come together There love is perfected God speaking into the souls of human beings and in and through us is at the heart of our readings this morning. These earthy, bodily focused readings point us beyond ourselves to God who is ever faithful and always present. In the Hosea reading ...