Seeking Authentic Voice

There are words inside of me, challenging, difficult words emotional, reactive words words that reveal my fear words that rise up again because I am confronted with old emotions, long resolved -  or so I thought -  which need to be worked through again. What do I do with these words? If I keep them inside will they fester? If I say them out loud will they  be heard as a hope to deepen understanding and not just complaining or whining or being the kind of person who keeps bleeding out words of pain - you know that kind of pain,  over and over until we all  wonder when that person  will grow up and gain insight  and maturity and maybe some reconciliation. Yeah. Those words. And those feelings.  Sure. I can hand the words  over to God.  I can do my part to be fully aware of their impact on me, the way that the words are honest and real. And the way that words are rea...

Early on a gray and dreary morning I made my usual long walk to the elementary school where I was in the sixth grade. The entrance to the school was odd, below ground level by a few stairs, with open sides where kids would sit at street level but could then jump down to the front doors. That morning I was lost in my thoughts as I walked from the stairs to the doors, and so I was startled when a couple of boys jumped off of the side walls and on to me, attempting to tackle me to the ground. I was completely taken off guard, but somehow I managed to untangle myself from these boys and hurry into the school. The episode left my heart racing as I walked down the hall and into class. Perhaps having three younger brothers who were prone to roughhousing inoculated me a bit to the surprise of the boys jumping me. Still, when I think of that moment, I remember feeling surprised, violated, humiliated at being jumped on, and even some shame because I did not seeing it coming.  Shame, hum...