Seeking Authentic Voice

My mother and biological father, circa 1955  My mother, born seventy-seven years ago today, was a story teller. I remember how restless I could be as I tried to sit through her telling me something. Especially as a teenager and young adult, I often thought, "Just get to the point!" She loved to weave in every detail she could remember, or rather every detail she wanted to remember. Her version of reality was usually not the same version that other people experienced. Although she only had a high school education she was very smart and spent the last years of her life learning about quantum physics.  My mother was never a healthy person, she had polio as a child and rheumatic fever. She use to tell stories of being five years old and confined to bed for a year, hooked up to machines. Her grandmother was her only joy in those days, visiting her and comforting her. She never found much solace, at least not that she chose to remember, in the care and love of her pare...

“Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?"  (Mary Oliver quote found on "Goodreads").   I was working at my dream job. Naive, with stars in my eyes, I was a mere twenty-eight years old and part of a design team at a high profile interior design firm.  The clientele included the wealthiest people in Chicago. I traveled around the country assisting the designer as he created second, third, and fourth homes for his clients.  I had my sights on making it big - and making big money  - all the while being creative too! ( I did say I was naive, right? ). Before taking this "dream" job I was working at Eddie Bauer on Wabash Avenue in Chicago, selling hiking boots. Now that WAS a fun job. I knew all the stats for the boots and could do a proper fit ensuring my customers had a good hiking experience. But then this opportunity arose. A friend of mine from my first career in the dance world wondered if I'd like to interview for his entry l...

I was born on a Tuesday, I think. My mother described the story of my birth day as one filled with her hope for a Valentine's Day baby. She did everything she could to induce labor. My arrival came a day later at 6:05pm. Clearly a long couple of days for her...  If you were to look at my astrological chart you would see that the timing of my birth indicates that this is a transformational life time for me. My chart has a significant T-square configuration between some key planets, one of which is Neptune. I no longer remember all the details of this - only that a T-square is significant. The person who did my chart told me, "With this aspect of Neptune you have two choices - you can live a life of confusion, possible addiction OR you can lead a life that develops a deeper spiritual dimension."  It's curious that in astrology Neptune is the planet the rules both the hidden negative aspects of confusion and addiction AND the aspects for deepening a spiritual life. F...

Kathrynjz over at RevGals offers this Friday Five, with the disclaimer that while she is celebrating the birthday of an adult family member, she is not fond of birthday celebrations: 1.) What is the first birthday you remember? I know my parents always had a simple family celebration for each of our birthdays - usually the birthday person got to choose the meal, either at home or at a restaurant. I do remember my sixteenth birthday, I got a bunch of blue irises from my parents and dinner at a local Mexican restaurant with my bf. 2) Do you recall a favorite gift? Usually I get a gift certificate for a massage (one of my fav), or other little treats. Nothing huge, just nice tokens of affection. 3) Has anyone ever tried to surprise you for your birthday? Did it work? Was it fun? It was my 50th birthday, a day I spent a year preparing for by creating this blog....lol...and one I was dreading. Which is weird, because typically birthdays and aging don't really affect me. Anyway, ...

Jan, over at RevGals offers this Friday Five: April is a month of family birthdays for me: Today is my mother-in-law's 80th birthday and on Sunday my third child's 26th birthday, so I am thinking about birthdays. Easter would have been my mother's 93rd birthday, but she died when she was only 72 years old. I love to celebrate birthdays, but I know others don't like to as much. My second child doesn't care about birthdays that much. How about you? What do you think of birthdays? 1. What are your feelings about celebrating birthdays, especially your own? I love to celebrate birthdays. Life is a gift to be celebrated. But I don't really need to make a big deal out of them. In my family we typically have a festive meal with cake or pie and gifts. Usually that meal is home cooked (or BBQ'd) although for my birthday, since I am the primary meal preparer, we do go out to one of my favorite places. 2. Do you have any family traditions about birthdays? Al...

Last night I drove into the city to spend some time with my mother in law. The assisted living facility she lives in had a festive night of music for the residents. My MIL is having memory loss issues. Unfortunately she is at the stage where she is aware of the memory loss and it causes her extreme distress and depression. So, part of the night was affirming her reality and comforting her. On the drive home I followed an old route that I use to take when my kids were babies, side streets from our house in Chicago to the pediatrician in the suburbs. It has been 16 years since I have been on portions of this route....but I remembered it all. Curiously enough one section of this route is along a road that I traversed in a snow storm three years ago to assist my friend M2 as she labored to birth her twin girls. (Because my kids saw a pediatrician associated with the hospital the girls were born in...it's also the same hospital where I started and maintained for 9 years a massage th...