Wednesday, August 15, 2007

As a general rule I am a perpetual optimist. No matter how bad life seems I still have hope that life will be better tomorrow, (what ever that means, when ever that comes, it's not literal).

But these last four years have been brutal. Really tough. I mean really tough...and actually, no end in sight for the "toughness"...

sigh

So the end result of all these years is...and the real potential of future years, I've lost my optimism.

Actually. I've lost hope.

Which may be even more tragic than losing optimism...

How do you preach when you have lost your sense of hope?

How do you console people when you have no sense of hope?

How do you proclaim the "Good News" when you don't even know the good news in your own life?

How do you do anything?

Every day I get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and go through the motions of living.

I clean my house.
I exercise.
I care for my family.
I care for my congregation.
I write sermons.
I preach for crying out loud...(hypocrite???)...
But, I just go through the motions.
I'm mostly numb.

I'm sorry to say this. I'm not looking for anything from anyone. I just have to say it like it is.

I've lost my sense of hope.

And I can't even pray anymore...

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