Approaching 50: reflections on body

Lately I've had to learn to live in a body I do not recognize. This body of mine has always been on the slight side, tending to be chilly at all times. But these days I lean more to being warm and often hot. The other day the "heat" began in my ear lobes and cheeks and moved through out my body. That initial flush eased, but I remained warm for the rest of the night.

I never know how to dress, will I be hot, warm, or cool? Especially with the changing seasons, with fall upon us and winter around the corner....It is just so strange.

But in addition to body temperature I've noticed other changes...like flab in places I never knew a body could be flabby, perpetual stiffness, finger nails and toe nails that turn soft yet lined with ridges, worsening allergies, and like I've already said, chin stubble.

I don't really mind all these changes. I knew they'd happen some day. But mostly I feel too young, not at all the almost 50 year old I am. My mother and mother in law were both winding down in life when they hit 50: kids long raised, work done, retirement on the horizon.

But me, I'm still raising kids, 18 and 14.... And I'm only 6 years into the work and ministry as an Episcopal priest, work I will do for another 20 odd years. I don't even own a house but I have a mountain of debt; car payments, student loans, launching my daughter into a career with horses...

I'm not really complaining, nor even lamenting, mostly just observing the way this body of mine is living through life...and the disparity between mind (still young, but not as naive nor impulsive) and body (aging)....