Gratitude Reflection Day 20

It has been a busy morning already. I was up early to help my daughter. I ran to the grocery store at 7am to get the things she needed for a Christmas party this afternoon at the barn. A flurry of early morning activity that has settled into stillness. Now, on this early morning I sit peacefully in my study. One cat curled up and purring on my lap, the other in the chair next to me. Soft Christmas music playing. Outside the window, fog and mist which will turn to snow before the day is over. There is a surreal quality to the day.

I continue my morning meditation reading Jan Richardson's book. I have heard it is out of print. Sigh. I'm finding it to very provocative this Advent. Here is what she has to say for yesterday, Week Four, Day six. (Because yesterday I reflected on another day later in the season)...

The Virgin (to Mary)

"She told me that virgin really means a woman unto herself, a whole woman, a soul mother. What a shift from thinking that a virgin is what you are until you are made complete by a man....And so they can dicker over the question (of whether Mary is a virgin) until the second coming, but what I really want to know is, do we want to be whole? Do we want to be healed? Because that is what Advent is asking us. Are we ready to be born?"

Then she offers this poem:

In the center of ourselves
you placed the power of
choosing.
Forgive us the time
we have given that power
away,
when we have sold
our birthright
for that which
does not
satisfy
our souls.
And so
in your wisdom
may our yes
be truly yes
and our no
be truly no,
that we may
touch with dignity
and love with integrity
and know the freedom
of our own choosing
all our days.

Then the Richardson meditation continues for this day, day seven of week four, and speaks of Mary waiting, not passively, but actively - of her "abiding in." I think that is accurate. As I strive to be a woman, a mother, a wife, a priest, I also strive to be a whole person. A woman of dignity and integrity, of prayer and hope, in an active way. I do think that my husband has contributed to my becoming wholeness, so have my children, so has my vocation as priest, and so have my friends and colleagues. But that does not mean that I would be less whole if I had no husband or chidren...

Engaged with the world around me I have choices and my decisions have influenced the course of my life. The fact that I do have choices and can make decisions reflects how truly blessed I am, we are, to live where we do, when we do. And for all of that I am grateful.