That's a wrap...

 My ten day trip to the midwest (Chicago area and Dearborn) is coming to an end. It's been a good week and half of meetings, conferences, and strategy sessions. I've really enjoyed spending time with the faculty from the Center for Family Consultation. I am the newest faculty member and super  honored to work with these people I've known and studied with for five years or so. 

The trip started last week with the summer conference in Oak Park, and a great day with Dr. Anne McKnight who taught on the Complexity of Cut-Off, from Bowen theory. 

Cut-off is not a pathology. It's not even "bad". It is the way that members of a family manage their response to tension and anxiety. Distancing is part of the evolutionary process of survival. Managing one's self in complex family emotional processes requires, in part, the capacity to notice what one is feeling and how that influences what one does and how one behaves.  Self-awareness is key, but the second step is having the ability to stop instead of responding automatically, and thinking about how one want's to show up. How do I want to be present in this moment? 

The urge to cut-off can be better managed when one can notice automatic urges, then pause, and make choices based on what one thinks, believes, and values. This is part of the process of defining self, a fundamental Bowen theory concept.  

Cut-off is one of the ways my family has managed the anxious tension between the pull to be an individual and the pull to be part of a family unit and its efforts to think and behave in harmony. My effort is to not align, automatically, with the pull to escape and cut-off. Instead, I try to find space and time to be who am I while staying in relationship with family and others. 

Anyway. Cut-off is a fascinating concept and one that is very relevant to my family. I work at staying in relationship with people, which does not come easy for me. 

Following the conference on Cut-off I traveled to Dearborn, MI, returning to a place I lived for 12 years and where I have relationships that are deep and important to me. There I spent time with people I love, and held a few important meetings.

Then a return to trip to Chicago, this time to Evanston. A quick trip for the faculty strategy meeting with the CFC. Time well spent, for sure. 

Tomorrow I head home. I'm looking forward to being home AND being on staycation. I really need to rest. I need deep, long, rest. 

But I'm not sure I'll get as much as I need. We'll see. I'll certainly try.