Seeking Authentic Voice

God our Mother birthing new life through chaos God our Father building hope from the dark night God our Sister comfort us in times of sorrow God our Brother guide us through the storms, calm water God of the Night brighten our darkdays, with Your warm light God of the Day show us the way, to love as you God, mystery One in Three and Three in One Parent, child, friend Comforter, Grace Spirit, Love Lover, One, All Infinite One Compassion Sun, Moon, and Stars Earth, Wind, and Fire Water, Life. In Your Image Abide in us We in You In your Image In Your image Mystery. Amen. Poem prayer and photo by Terri C. Pilarski Crossposted on  RevGalBlodPals Tuesday Prayer

Breathe on me breath of God Fill me with life anew that I may love  what you do love and do what you would do.  This hymn has been my earworm for Pentecost A time of ordinations of life transitions of challenges  and hope. Help me, Oh God to live as the person you call  me to be -  a choice  I make every day with my words my mind  and my heart. May I live and love as you would have me do. Amen. Prayer poem by Terri Pilarski, photo by Nick Bell

I am prone to waking up with ear worms. Sometimes I have no idea where the song has come from. But lately, because I have a two year old grand daughter, I wake up with songs like “Elmo’s World” or “When you learn something you new you do the happy dance.” But this morning I work with a song in my head and I knew exactly why it was there - it’s the ever of Pentecost and we’ve come here today to witness and celebrate the ordination of Anthony and Mitch: Breathe on me breath of God, fill me with life anew, that I may love what thou does love, and do what thou wouldst do.  Like everyone who is ordained, these two have travelled a long journey. In this diocese that means going  through EYSJ, parish discernment, seminary, field education, and more, which has culminated in this day.  So now Anthony and Mitch have completed seminary and are ready for this big day. if their seminary formation was anything like mine, they learned a whole new language, church lang...

There are words inside of me, challenging, difficult words emotional, reactive words words that reveal my fear words that rise up again because I am confronted with old emotions, long resolved -  or so I thought -  which need to be worked through again. What do I do with these words? If I keep them inside will they fester? If I say them out loud will they  be heard as a hope to deepen understanding and not just complaining or whining or being the kind of person who keeps bleeding out words of pain - you know that kind of pain,  over and over until we all  wonder when that person  will grow up and gain insight  and maturity and maybe some reconciliation. Yeah. Those words. And those feelings.  Sure. I can hand the words  over to God.  I can do my part to be fully aware of their impact on me, the way that the words are honest and real. And the way that words are rea...

Now eighteen months of  prayer, discerning, searching, wondering...  after reviewing, considering, interviewing,  listening, wondering, praying.   Now, this day,  the day of an election  who will be elected Bishop?   Will the Holy Spirit prevail?  Will the course be set,   a prophetic course, or  one that holds the course,  the status quo,  the comfortable and safe?   Who knows?   Only time will tell.   But out of all who   made themselves vulnerable -   willing to stand  and reveal and  try to be authentic -  these four nominated  have given their all.   I pray for each of them.  One will be elected,  thrilled, humbled, honored.  Three will be broken hearted   and the loss great  and for them my prayers are   deeper...

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:26-28) This passage from Paul's letter to the Romans has formed and informed me for over twenty years. It was at the heart of my discernment to the priesthood, encouraging me to not over think, but enter into silence and listen. Listening is an art that requires me to strip away all distractions, to sift through the noise and the false enticements, in order to hear what is essential. Listening means I open myself to the unexpected, to being challenged.  My ordination process, twenty years ago, hit some bumps in the road. I had one person, p...

For a few years I have been thinking about Murray Bowen's Family Systems theory concept of societal regression. Bowen studied families of schizophrenics and recognized intergenerational patterns of emotional transmission, patterns in which certain family members carried the dis-ease of the family and the ways that other family members participated in that transmission process. From these studies he developed his family systems theory which, for those of us who study and apply it, emphasizes personal accountability by taking clearly defined, principled stands based on one's values and belies. Taking these stands however is not done to defend or justify and certainly not to diminish another. One does this simply to be less anxious because one is being mature. Bowen called this, "Self-differentiation." Clearly defined people fall on a spectrum from 1-10, with one being less defined and 10 being fully defined, and no one is ever a 10, except maybe Jesus. Most of us are ...