Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Silence After the Storm

Yesterday, as the wind blew in southern Arizona, I drove from the southern end of the state to midsection and back, some six hours of driving. In the early part of the day the southern section had sustained winds around 25 miles an hour with gusts up to 50, the midsection had pouring rain. I have not seen rain like that since we moved here. Last night we tried to sleep, but as our bedroom is on the corner of the house, nearest the arroyo (canyon) and open to the southwest, the wind raged, no idea at what speeds, and everything shook. There is damage outside. Grapefruit trees blown over, hibiscus trees knocked down, the pool full of debris. But no broken windows. And, now, silence.

There have been lots of storms raging these days, in the lives of people I know, my own life too. Humans can inflict such violence, verbally, physically, and psychologically, against one another. Often the infliction is nothing more than a person lashing out of their own hurt, inflicting pain on others, as a way to ameliorate their own. You know the parable of the unforgiving servant, found in Matthew 18? The one who pleaded for mercy and then failed to have mercy for others? Of course the parable reminds us that mercy is the better response, lashing out of our pain and our anger and our fear, to hurt others, will never actually end our own pain.

I am currently leading a Bible study on the Gospel of Luke. Our focus last week and this week is on the parables. We are using an "African" bible study method to consider a few parables. This method is a spiritual reflection, like an Ignatian approach. We choose one parable. Someone reads the parable while the rest listen for what word or phrase stands out. What word or phrase causes your heart to flutter, your spirit to say, "What?" or "wow!" or "What does that mean?". Then we share the word or phrase with the group. Another person reads the parable again, this time from a different interpretation - different voice, different interpretation, another way of hearing the parable. This time we are listening for what the Spirit is saying to us right now, how is the parable speaking to us in our lives at this moment? Then we share that and a discussion ensues. The parable is read a third time, another person and another interpretation, listening for where the Spirit is leading us as we go forward. We used the parable of the sower and the seed in Luke. Much of our reflection last week focused on looking inward instead of on others.

The work we need to do is internal, not external, focusing on the self and how we can each become more faithful, closer to God, kinder people, and not on the failures of others. It seems to me that this is often what happens when the storm has quieted, after so much hurt has been hurled around, suddenly the quiet comes, and with it a moment to look inward. What have I done?

Some folks, I imagine, never actually do this. Not during the storm, nor after. Some folks just feel satisfied, justified, like the hurting was fair and goal accomplished, regardless of the fall out all around.

But God calls us to something else. God calls us to self-awareness, to love and mercy. Even in the midst of the storm, but if all else fails, at least in the calm that follows. To do as God does, love with compassion.

We are nearly at the middle of Advent. As always the season flies by. Time remains though, to ponder the ways we are hurting this Advent season, and also the ways we hurt others. We all do. And then make adjustments, turn and return to God. Ponder and pray, and wait. God is coming again, making all things new.

Friday, December 04, 2009

RevGals Friday Five: Do Nothing Meme

Sally over at RevGals offers this Friday Five:

I am reading a wonderful little book for Advent it's title: "Do nothing Christmas is Coming!"

So this weeks Friday Five is simple.

List Five things you won't be doing to prepare for Christmas.

And while you are doing nothing play the bonus, put your feet up and listen to your favourite Advent Carol, and post it or a link to it...


1. ....putting up a real Christmas Tree. Not in Arizona. I hear they dry up nice and crispy and cost about twice as much as any where else...so, artificial it is. Now, how to get that wonderful pine fragrance?

2. ....going on a shopping frenzy to buy gifts. I will buy gifts, but slowly...and only a few.

3. ....traveling (well, maybe I will, but no plans to do this, yet)

4. ....making Christmas cookies? Well, I may do this too, but no plans yet...

5. ....decorating the house...probably will be skimpy on this too. We are beginning to pack for a move, seems silly to pull all that stuff out at this time.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Waiting

I seem to be doing a lot of waiting these days. The idea of spending my time waiting is a bit more enticing now that Advent is here. Before Advent waiting felt more like wasting time. And during some of my darker days waiting was really how I spent the day, going through the motions of cleaning, writing, talking, all the while waiting for the day to be over so I could go to sleep. Waiting to go to sleep to escape feeling and thinking makes waiting feel even longer. Waiting to go to sleep in order to find reprieve from situations in which nothing else can be done, except wait it out, "this too shall pass." This kind of waiting is one variation on the "dark night of the soul" spiritual crisis, where the darkness calls out like a gift from God. Succoming to the darkness has its merits. Giving in to the occasional reality - that every time one thinks that one is able to climb out of the hole the hole just gets deeper - brings a kind of submission, humility, serenity.Thankfully not all of my waiting is that kind of waiting.

There are other kinds of waiting that I do. Waiting for phone calls or emails or comments to things I've written and posted on blogs. Waiting to hear back. Waiting for the cake to bake or dinner to be ready. Waiting for my lunch date. Waiting for friends to arrive. Waiting until my husband comes home. Waiting to see the doctor/dentist/opthomologist. This kind of waiting fills entire days and often feels like wasted time, waiting. I have better things to do, than wait like this. But it too happens.

Most mornings I do a 20 minute yoga practice that includes a few minutes of meditation. Some mornings I go through the practice, go through the motions, waiting for it be over so I can check this off my "To Do" list. But on other mornings I allow myself to sink into the moment and let time wash over me unattended. On these mornings even the DVD moves too fast, guiding me through the postures too quickly, so slow do I desire to be, for time to pass. I sit in the silent meditation longer than usual. Breathing. Still. Peace-filled. Waiting for my mind to quiet, and yet, not waiting at all. Being. Simply being.

Advent is a time, a season that pulls on me in all these ways. Hurry up and wait. The long dark nights do call out to me, a luxury of silence, a cup of tea and a gentle fire flickering soft light. I love the night. True, I also love the long summer days, but I am willing to take each season as it comes and appreciate what it brings. Waiting. Wondering.

What will this season bring?

Monday, November 30, 2009

Advent Virtual Retreat



A meditation on the readings for Advent 2C for the RevGalBlogPals Virtual Advent Retreat:

Entering the Advent journey is an invitation to travel, intentionally, into the wilderness – the dark night of the soul. One hopes that the Church guides this journey offering opportunities to pray, ponder, stirred up, conflicted. John, the desert prophet, proclaims the burning chaff, the background to our Christmas shopping. Advent sings of incongruous images - new birth and end of life, the Alpha and the Omega, of oppression and freedom, of despair and ultimately of hope. The path is uneven and twisted, spiraling in to the depths of our being, certain we are lost. And then, quietly, the Spirit of God calls to us, “Awake, arise, my love, my dear one.” The early morning desert sun illuminates the way - through the valley to Jordan’s bank - our God is near. Awake and hearken, let each heart prepare a place for the Word to break in, a child to come anew, whispering peace into you and me. Come, our long expected One, come.

Within in our darkest night
A starless chill
Shudders
Calling, “Emmanuel
Where
Oh where, are you?”

Within our deepest soul
Astounding one
Voice
Cries in the wilderness
“Prepare
the way of the Lord!”

Within our darkest night
A still small spark
Kindled
Hark! The glad sound calls out
“Sleepers
Awake!” Jerusalem

Rise up and give walk in light
prepare
from darkest night -
Arise!
Our Daystar comes, the night

Dispelled, every valley filled,
every
mountain low, the rough made
smooth
A light, a light bathes bright

Discard the garment, sorrow
afflicted.
Arise! Put on the robe
Adorned
with love and mercy





Photos from the personal collection of Mompriest

Cross posted at the RevGalBlogPals blog.

Friday, November 27, 2009

RevGals Friday Five: The Crush!

Songbird over at the RevGals blog offers this Friday Five Meme:

1) Did you ever have a crush on a teacher? I had a mild crush on my red headed, very cool physics professor in college...he couldn't have been more than a few years older than me...

2) Who was your first crush? probably the adorable blond guy I went to prom with....

3) Have you ever given a gift to a crush?hum....not that I recall

4) Do you have a celebrity crush? (Around my house we call them TV boyfriends and girlfriends...) Kevin Spacey...is that just really weird?

5) Have you ever been surprised to find yourself the crushee? Yes...and that lucky guy got to marry me! (And, me him)....(and it's been 24 years of crusheeism)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving



Most gracious God, by whose knowledge the depths are broken up and the clouds drop down the dew: We yield thee hearty thanks and praise for the return of seedtime and harvest, for the increase of the ground and the gathering in of its fruits, and for all the other blessings of thy merciful providence...And, we beseech thee to give us a just sense of these great mercies, such as may appear in our lives by a humble, holy, obedient waling before thee all our days....Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, page840)

Wishing everyone a blessed day of Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Still

The light slants from the south
casting shadows in its wake
startling the afternoon
- a breath of brilliance
before the final
sigh -
and the sun falls
into darkness

Daylight comes late and leaves early
dark more than light,
Advent,
and yet,
Christmas
busyness takes over
calling out You must!

while inside
my soul whispers
be still
for just a
moment
be still.

It's Coming Around Advent

Advent
Endless indigo
beckoning inward
dark night, soul

Expect
another dawn
anticipate warmth
new light life

Wait, pause
Slow down, take time
let the moment
resonate

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Finding Beauty in a Broken World

I am trying to prepare the discussion for this book, which will appear on the RevGals blog on Monday. I have over three pages of quotes....

and a sermon I wrote about refugees from Rwanda and preached on Pentecost 2008.

Here are a few quotes from the book:

Page 264: It is so easy to spiral into fear toward paranoia. We become the terror that possess us.
Page 253 Compromise is fine on anything that is not essential, but you cannot compromise your principles. You cannot compromise the dream or the dream dies, and you suffer spiritually.

Page 249: The full range of emotion: A bag of skulls, a bag of potatoes, both tilled from the same fields.

Page 248: I I hear William Coffin’s voice: “The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.”

Page 228: If you do violence to me, you do violence to yourself because we are all human beings.

Page 167: I close my eyes. Two images emerge: one man spitting on the prairie dog on the side of the road and Sarah pressing her lips against the dying prairie dog baby’s lips as she gave him mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Page 155 Never postpone gratitude. Ingratitude robs of enthusiasm. Albert Schweitzer

Page 88: If you take away all the prairie dogs, there will be no one to cry for the rain.

Page 18: I believe in the beauty of all things broken.

Page 6: A mosaic is a conversation between what is broken.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Mullygrubs: A RevGals Friday Five (LOL)

The Cure

Lying around all day
with some strange new deep blue
weekend funk, I'm not really asleep
when my sister calls
to say she's just hung up
from talking with Aunt Bertha
who is 89 and ill but managing
to take care of Uncle Frank
who is completely bed ridden.
Aunt Bert says
it's snowing there in Arkansas,
on Catfish Lane, and she hasn't been
able to walk out to their mailbox.
She's been suffering
from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.
The cure for the mulleygrubs,
she tells my sister,
is to get up and bake a cake.
If that doesn't do it, put on a red dress.

--Ginger Andrews (from Hurricane Sisters)

So this Friday before Thanksgiving, think about Aunt Bert and how she'll celebrate Thanksgiving! And how about YOU?

1. What is your cure for the "mulleygrubs"? If I wake up with a strong case of them, which I have prone to do, Strong coffee followed by my exercise routine (ab work and arm weights) followed by yoga followed by a vigorous bike ride followed by a shower. Then I make myself get dressed in something other than sweats and I put on make up. After all of that I take myself out to eat. In other words I get moving.

However, on other days I indulge in those mullygrubs and drink coffee for hours while readin blogs, in my yoga attire, AS IF I were going to do the above...

2. Where will you be for Thanksgiving? For over a month we have been planning to go to a friends house. They came to our house for last year and so we are going to their house this year. However now our son is staying with some friends in the 5th largest city in the USA and they want us to come for Thanksgiving. What to do? What to do? Break out plans with our friends here in order to be with our son there? (which would include 6 hours of driving and my husband works the day before and the day after Thanksgiving)...sigh....unresolved at this point in time...

3. What foods will be served? Which are traditional for your family? We will have the traditional Turkey with mashed potatoes and gravey, salad, green bean cassarole, pumpking pie...I am to bring some other kind of dessert and am thinking a homemade apple pie. But I also have a ton of lemons picked off our lemon tree and am wondering if I could use those in some way? Unresolved at this point in time...

4. How do you feel about Thanksgiving as a holiday? I like it. I like to get up and watch the parade, prepare the meal (Usually I have been the hostess), eat a lot, enjoy some good wine, and then collapse at the end of the day when everyone has gone home and watch an old Christmas movie. The next day I like to go to a movie and put up my Christmas tree.

5. In this season of Thanksgiving, what are you grateful for? Lots of challenges lately in my life and in the lives of my family. Grateful we all keep going.

BONUS: Describe Aunt Bert's Thanksgiving.I suspect her thanksgiving would include a house decorated in vibrant reds and oranges. The food would be traditional except for a fancy homemade cranberry sauce and an unusual sweet potatoe dish. My mother used to make a different sweet potatoe dish every year. One year she mashed the sweet potatoes and added brown sugar and cinnamon, then formed the mashed sweet potatoes into a ball around a marshmellow and rolled the ball in corn flakes, then baked them until the marshmellow was melted. I don't remember if I liked them, but I do remember them.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Prayer by Gertrude of Helfa

Lord, in the presence of your love, I ask that you unite my work with your great work, and bring it to fulfillment. Just as a drop of water, poured into a river, becomes one with the flowing waters, so may all I do become part of all that you do. So that those with whom I live and work may also be drawn to you love.

Gertrude of Helfa, Germany, 1256-c.1302