"Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises.... Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting."

Frederick Buechner

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Listening for God

A reflection on the readings for the second Sunday of Lent: Genesis 17:1-16; Mark 8:31-38

Almost every Sunday between the 8am and the 10am service I join Sean and the choir for their vocal warm-up as they prepare for the worship service. In the actual service I end up either singing with the congregation or singing by myself with the congregation responding. I rarely sing with the choir. Warming up with the choir is one way I prepare for worship.

One of the main things Sean works on is helping each choir member hear the voices of those around them and to blend their voices so that no one voice stands out more than another. That is the work of choral music, a blending of voices to a unified whole. It is also the work of orchestras, blending the instruments to create a whole sound. Blending voices is a skill that requires one to be simultaneously aware of one’s own voice and aware of the voices of those around one’s self and the ability to soften or raise one’s voice so that it becomes part of the mix. This is not necessarily difficult, but it does require one to listen and be intentional about how one is using one’s voice. 

Listening is the theme of our Lenten reflection this week from chapter three of the book, "The Restoration Project."  Listening for God is the primary point of the chapter, but in order to listen for God one must learn to listen to one’s self and to others. Listening for God happens in community and it happens in small groups and occasionally it happens to us as individuals.  The reason we listen for God is because this is one way we do our part to be in relationship with God. We listen for God so that we can be aware of how God is working in our lives, how God is calling us to our most authentic sense of self, and how God is calling us to respond to the needs of the world around us. 

In the Genesis text we have an example of Abraham and Sarah listening to God. God chooses to be in relationship with Abraham and Sarah. Abraham and Sarah leave family, land, inheritance, for a new land with God. In doing so, Abraham and Sarah form a relationship with God and find their truest, most authentic sense of self. God even gives them new names. In naming them God names their truest sense of self; God validates them. 

As humans we find our foundation, the core of our being, in God’s relationship with us. As Christians, we have an example in Jesus of how God brings forth one’s most authentic self when one is faithful to God - when one lives from the values, principles, and beliefs that God inspires, which scripture tells are: love God, love self, love others, do justice, be humble, be mature, forgive others, look to self first, stay in relationship, pray, reflect, be aware.

As part of the covenant God requires Abraham and the male descendants to be circumcised. Sarah becomes pregnant and has a baby. The covenant is embodied and has a physical nature to it, requiring a level of engagement that is more than just intellectual. God claims our entire being. When we are attentive to God and how God is calling us into relationship with God, we become attentive to our whole selves with a level of authenticity that transcends how the world tries to define us.

Paul’s letter to the Romans was written to a mixed community of Jews and Gentiles who had differing understandings of faith. Paul writes that since faith begins in God no one group of people has ownership over what faith in God looks like and is. God can create faith in any one. God creates faith in us, the potential for us to reach our fullest sense of self, but it requires our desire to be in relationship, for us to engage and to nurture our faith and our relationship with God. We do this through prayer, through living in community, through acts of kindness and service, through becoming attentive to ourselves and the ways we contribute to the brokenness in the world and then try to heal ourselves and those broken places - we begin by changing ourselves. 

In these times of great suspicion and accusation, of blame and shame, God points us to look first at ourselves. If our efforts are not working toward building up the whole through acts of loving kindness and justice, we need to re-examine what we are doing. 

Today’s passage from the Gospel of Mark asks some difficult questions about identity. 

Who is Jesus?
Who is Satan?
And, oddly, in a series of readings about identity, it asks, What does it mean to deny one’s self?

The church tells us many things about the identity of Jesus. Praying the Nicene Creed gives us a historical understanding of Jesus as human and divine. Ultimately Jesus reveals to us what it means to have one’s authentic identity grounded in God.  In Abraham and Sarah and others whom God names, we catch a glimpse of God bringing forth one’s most authentic sense of self. In Jesus God reveals this fully - Jesus is God’s love made manifest in the world. God’s love never ends. God loves everyone. God’s love means we are worthy and that we matter. 

Who is Satan? Satan is the energy, the pulls and pushes in this world that try to define us as anything but the way God sees us. Satan is that which tries to tell us we not good, that which tries to oppress us and hold us down, that which causes illness and suffering, that which seeks to pull us away from God. 

In response to all these distractions which aim to pull us away from God, God reveals God's self to us in our most vulnerable place. This can feel like we are being asked to deny our selves.  But what we are denying is our inauthenticity that has become bound in the negative messages the world tells us about ourselves, which deny our truest nature founded in God. Deny the self from all the negative messages that world tells us we are, not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy. Denying our inauthentic self is the cross we need to pick up and carry, because it will lead us through our most broken parts of the self and into a wholeness that only God can offer.

Through grace God reveals to us our true nature, our full identity. To recognize who truly are we need to listen. Listen deeply in community, and hear how God is resonating through us. Listen deeply in  prayer. Listen deeply to one another, see how God’s love resonates through each one of us, calling us to harmonize in tune with God. Listen to God who has named us and enlivened us to our true selves. Listen to what God is saying within. God says, you are worthy. You are loved. 

Friday, February 27, 2015

Friday Five: FROZEN

Deb, over at the RevGals blog offers this Friday Five meme:
1. For The First Time in Forever: Tell us about a magical first snow day – for a child, a transplanted southerner, or maybe you have a great story from the first snowfall in your area this season. 
As a child I loved to ice skate and go sledding. I lived in Salt Lake City until I was nine, there the opportunities for great sledding hills were prolific. It was thrilling to race down a hill and then exhausting to walk back up to the top only to be repeated. These hills were really mountain foothills...
When my kids were little I made sure to do the same with them. I have fond memories of ice skating and sledding with my kids, always followed by hot chocolate for them and tea for me. 
2. In Summer: Tell us what you look forward to when it’s warmer again.
I look forward to the ease of summer - shorts, t-shirts, sandals. Long walks outside. Warm temperatures. Having the house open, a nice breeze blowing in. The sounds of birds. The flowers and trees in bloom. And planting a garden. 
3. Reindeers are Better than people: We are in the business of loving people. But sometimes… Well, it’s a bit of a stretch to love. Do you have a tip, a mantra, or a perspective that helps?
Focus on one's self, and what you need to do to be less anxious while staying connected to people. Don't let the anxieties of others make you anxious. Practice ways to gain perspective - take a walk, do yoga, workout, get a massage, pray. pray. Don't react when emotions are high, wait until you have calmed down. 
4. Fixer Upper: Since we are in the season of Lent, what are you doing in the area of self-improvement?
Well this Lent seems to be all about my physical health. I'm on my second course of antibiotics for respiratory illnesses (throat, bronchial). And I'm going through tests to determine if I have gall bladder disease or if it all really is GERD...or something else. 
5. Let. It. Go. What would Elsa do? Are you de-cluttering? Moving on? Accepting a hard reality? Finding freedom?
I'm studying - as a spiritual direction intern and as a student of family systems in congregations. It's all good stuff. 
Bonus: Frozen, thawing out or thawed, share a picture from your winter this year!
Well. No recent photos of me...wish I had taken one when I was in Chicago a few weeks ago having brunch with my daughter and a friend....but we were too busy having fun!

Saturday, February 21, 2015


Reflection for Lent 1B

I have a confession. I am not very good at praying. More specifically, I am not very good at praying in “typical ways.” Particularly, I do not kneel on my knees at my bedside and pour out a series of confessions and petitions to God. Although I did do that when I was child. Then I remember praying for each person in my grammar school classroom, beginning with the child in the first chair of the first row and going chair by chair to the last person.

When I found the Episcopal Church, I prayed on Sunday mornings, I prayed when I came to church. With my young family we prayed before meals saying a simple prayer that Dan remembered from his childhood, “Bless us oh Lord and these thy gifts”…. I also prayed with our children before bedtime, a little prayer that looked back over the day, at what had gone well and what had not. 

For a long time I prayed the daily office from the Book of Common Prayer. I’d rise early in the morning and move through morning prayer, aim to say evening prayer before dinner, and pray compline before bedtime. I loved the idea of a cycle of prayers but having young children made a consistent cycle of prayer challenging. Once, for about four months, I prayed my way through the psalms. 

I once had a spiritual director who suggested to me that walking my dogs was a form of prayer. I found  this idea pretty radical, something you’ll understand if you’ve ever tried to walk more than one dog at the same time, moving as fast as you can as you attempt to control the dog and teach them good walking manners while also hoping to wear them out, with a futile hope that they will be quiet for the rest of the day. Buddhists find washing dishes or chewing food prayerful. There is the potential for any ordinary activity to be prayer, if that is our intention. 

Eventually I settled on a daily practice of 30 minutes of meditation. I did not realize that meditating was an ancient form of prayer in mystical Christianity. 

It was in seminary that I learned about mystical Christianity and famous women mystics like Teresa of Avila. 

Teresa of Avila lived in the 16th century in the Castile region of south central Spain. Born to a wealthy family Teresa was social, friendly, attractive, and outgoing. She joined a convent after the death of her mother, primarily to avoid marriage, or at least to put off marriage for as long as possible. Typical of Christians during the time of the Inquisitions, she was highly religious.  But she was never one to follow the rules not could she blindly obey what was being enforced by the church hierarchy. She had her own sense of God, her own understanding of faith, and in due time she fashioned her own way of being a faithful, practicing Christian. Although her way was unique she survived every inquiry from the Inquisition, despite many investigations.

In those days the church frowned upon silent prayer and enforced the idea that people could only pray the ascribed spoken prayers provided by the church.  But Teresa’s mind grew bored and weary with prayer that used words. She would pray them in a rote, mindless, meaningless way that she found mind-numbing. Only when she fell into contemplative silent prayer was she able to pray in a way that became transformational for her. In the silence Teresa experienced God’s presence. 

Teresa’s two most famous reflections on prayer are the Interior Castle and the garden. The Interior Castle is a metaphor that describes the action of praying as if one’s interior life were like a castle with many rooms. Moving through the eight of the rooms of the interior castle one develops an ever deeper awareness of one’s relationship with God. The garden metaphor of prayer describes the prayer life in four steps, marked by four different ways a garden might be watered. 

Beginners on the path of prayer are like a person trying to cultivate a garden on very barren soil, full of weeds. God assists beginners by pulling up the weeds and planting good seeds. The seeds God plants in us represent our potential relationship with God, but, they need to be watered. Watering happens when we pray or try to pray. Teresa writes that the effort to pray happens in four stages analogous to watering. The effort moves from lugging water to irrigation to a good rain storm. Lugging water is what prayer may feel like for the novice prayer - laborious and not very effective. Irrigation is prayer that is more effective, but still something is lacking or the effort remains a challenge. When a garden is watered by rain it represents those moments when our prayer life is perfectly aligned with God and we feel the peace of God’s presence. 

Nurturing our relationship with God, self, and others, is the focus of Lent. Nurturing these relationships through prayer and other acts of living out a vibrant Christian faith is the intent of our Lenten practices. This year we are using the book, “The Restoration Project” to help us explore how we can nurture these relationships. Each Sunday during coffee hour we will have opportunities for exploration. You are invited to consider one of them. Perhaps you will want to sit at the table with the jigsaw puzzle and chat with others working on the puzzle. Perhaps you will want to take on knitting or crocheting a prayer shawl. Prayer shawl ministries are powerful forms of prayer, each stitch of the shawl represents a prayer, and when given to a person who is sick or in need, that person is literally wrapped in prayer. Maybe you will want to pray with color or you will want to discuss the themes  in “The Restoration Project,” or maybe you would prefer to sit quietly and read the book? Each table in the Fellowship Hall will provide you with a different one of these opportunities and each Sunday you are invited to consider which table you’d like to sit at. We’ve also started a blog title “Soul Restoration”  with meditations being offered on the themes of the week. The first meditation was posted on Ash Wednesday and considered what it means to observe the world around us in an effort to see God. The second reflection is also posted and it reflects on “Watching for God” which is our theme for this week. You can find the link for the blog in the Lenten brochure, on the Facebook page and on the website. 

Now I’ve come to understand that whether I choose to pray while walking, pray with silence or with words, pray with color or while knitting a prayer shawl, pray with music or pray in another form, it is my intention that makes it prayer. I am praying with intentionally when I pay attention, observe what is going on around me, look for God, and become mindful of how the activity I am doing in prayer offers the potential of growing my relationship with God, self, and others. 

I invite you in this season of Lent to explore what prayer is for you and how prayer leads you into a deeper awareness of God’s presence.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Friday Five: Lent

Jan, over at the RevGals, offers this Friday Five:
This is the beginning of the season of Lent. What are your thoughts, hopes, and prayers?
For today’s Friday Five, share five things about Lent.
If you’d like some guidance, here are a few suggestions:
1. books - the church I serve, along with a sister church in our town, are reading and engaging in the book, "The Restoration Project" for our Lenten series. 
2. new ideas - At my church we will engage "The Restoration Project," and it's emphasis developing formational Christian practices, during coffee hour on Sunday. We will have a variety of themed table tops where people can chose to sit. Two will have jigsaw puzzles (The Last Supper, The Life of Jesus) with the idea that as people put together the jigsaw puzzle they will engage in conversation and build relationship. One table will have knitting and crochet for starting our prayer shawl ministry. Another table will have mandalas, blank pieces of paper, and colored pencils for praying with color. Other tables will have discussion questions from the book, or the option to just sit and read the book - because for some this may be the only opportunity they have to just sit and read. 
3. websites - we started a blog for reflections to accompany the Lenten series and engage people who choose to connect with the material on line. Soul Restoration
4. poems, hymns - sure, poems and hymns are good ways into a Lenten practice.
5. to do - more than I can list. Simplifying life is one of my goals. 

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Sacred Deeds

A reflection on Mark 1:21-28 for Epiphany 4B

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, not to be confused with Harold Kushner of “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” fame, is a retired rabbi who grew up in Michigan and served a synagogue on the East coast. Larry, as he likes to be called, also writes about Jewish Mysticism. In one of his books he tells this story:

In the middle of a cold winter night, his wife, six months pregnant with their second child woke him. She said, “Larry, I know this sounds crazy, but I would give anything for a chocolate bar, especially one with almonds. “ Larry replied, “Don’t worry about a thing.” 

And he proceeded to pull on jeans, sweatshirt, and a coat over his pajamas. Outside it had been snowing and there were a few inches of snow on his car, driving was slow and slippery. And of course it took him a few minutes to realize that in this small town of Massachusetts everything would be closed. Where would he find a chocolate bar in the middle of the night? Then he remembered the Holiday Inn on the highway. The night clerk must have though him a little crazy, coming in out of a snowstorm, pajamas and all, to buy a candy bar out of the vending machine. 

Once home, and his wife’s craving satisfied, Larry reflected on this strange night. How on this night and under these circumstances, he had never given a thought to doing this, he just responded to what his wife desired. And it felt good, he felt good having done something so selfless and out of great care for another. He says it made him happier to do what his wife wanted than to have done anything that he wanted, like sleep….He calls this doing sacred deeds.

Doing sacred deeds, even one as seemingly mundane as this, helps us to transcend our selves, our lives, our worries. Doing sacred deeds is part of our calling as Christians. Jesus models the way, and our baptismal covenant helps us understand what we are to do.

Every time I prepare a family for baptism we discuss the three renunciations and three affirmations found in the baptismal liturgy. These six questions ask us to have some clarity about our faith, our understanding of who Jesus is, what evil is, and how we intend to support this person in their life in Christ. These are heady questions, provocative questions. The conversations I have with baptismal families is intended to help them articulate an understanding of what they are agreeing to so that they are not just going through the motions but have a real sense of what is evil in this world, who is Jesus, and what does it mean to put our trust in God’s grace? 

Baptism is the first step that one takes to become a member of the Christian church. Often baptism is done to us when we are babies, and so the first steps of formation happen with our families. Hopefully, as we grow up, our formation takes place, in a church that offers us opportunities to wonder, to question, and to develop a mature faith. Growing in our faith is a process of engaging in spiritual practices that inform and form us and can sustain us when life is challenging. 

Today we will baptize Ike Frady, welcoming him into the body of Christ. For several weeks we have been praying for Ike, using only his first and middle names. This is because today Ike’s surname is the same as all of ours, Christian. In a few minutes Ike will become part of the long historic Christian family. But what does this mean today?

In her book, “The Practicing Congregation, Imagining a New Old Church,” Diana Butler Bass speaks about the church community as a place anchored in a rich heritage where people are formed by the practices of our faith, which include a variety of sacred deeds. 

Butler Bass suggests that some people who come to church on Sunday are like tourists – they are taking time out of their “real” lives to do something different. Perhaps coming to church on Sunday gives them a respite from the daily grind? May be it offers them a place to be with friends? But afterwards the person returns to their real life, essentially unchanged from the respite.

The question for Christian communities like ours is, are we offering people an opportunity for transformation by inviting them, or inspiring them, to become part of a common journey into the rich life of the Christian faith?

To be a place where those who come here on Sunday are motivated to become part of a common journey means that we are offering people a compelling sense of mission. A  mission that calls out and speaks deep into their soul, addressing a profound, perhaps unrecognized, longing.

As a Community-Centered Church, we are discovering what it means to to be a place where people who are on a journey can join in, no matter where they are on the path. Some people are not even aware that they are on a spiritual path when they come here for a meeting or a class. But coming here means, for us, that they have entered into our mission, into a shared journey of building community. 

The question we are asking is how are we meeting them along the way? How are we seeking to build relationships?

Other people who come here have a greater awareness, even a desire, to be on this journey. These people may actually seek out relationships with people here, finding in us a mutual desire for companionship, sacred deeds, mission. 

Some are actively leading the way, inspiring the rest of us to follow. 

Our Gospel reading this morning from Mark, in fact the entire Gospel of Mark, offers us a vision of God manifesting God’s self in the person of Jesus. In Mark, the God we experience in Jesus is abrupt, breaking into all the ways we are stuck and, unsticking us. Mark names these sticking points as demons. These demons pull us away from the love of God. Jesus casts out the demons and sets people free. Released of their demons people are free to join the journey of people on a mission out to change the world one sacred deed at a time. 

Saturday, January 24, 2015

By Instinct or Intent, Our Identity in God

 Epiphany 3B: Jonah 3:1-5, 10; 1 Cor. 7:29-31; Mark 1:14-20

Ollie is a big goof of a dog, a large Weimaraner, my daughter’s dog. He’s been with us since Christmas, on an extended visit. This is nothing new, he has stayed with us in the past. When the three dogs are all together they act as though their pack is now complete, life is how it ought to be. Whether here, or at home with our daughter, one of Ollie’s favorite past times is looking out the sliding glass doors and watching the yard full of squirrels and rabbits and deer. 

The deer come almost every night and eat from our bird feeder, tipping the feeder until the seed pours into their mouths like candy. Granted, Dan entices them by filling the feeder just after dark when he knows that the deer are off in the distance, waiting for him.

We’ve taught our dogs to be quiet and watch the deer, but sometimes they can’t help themselves and have to bark. Ollie is certain that if we let him out he could take one of them. However, if he actually encountered the huge buck with the giant rack of antlers he’d quiver to the ground in total submission. I know, because he does that with other dogs, too. He comes off all big and tough, but he’s really a baby. 

The squirrels aren’t so sure of Ollie’s timidity. And to be certain he would easily capture a squirrel, given half a chance. The squirrels in our backyard hang around the bird feeder, eating seed that falls to the ground, or appreciating the handful that Dan throws down for them. These squirrels are particularly attuned to Ollie’s presence. I am sure that when he’s around they all start griping, “Oh no, not HIM again.”

Ollie will bark to be let outside for the sole purpose of chasing after the squirrels. They, being hyper aware of his presence, bound off for the tree, before I open the door. Ollie charges out and makes a bold attempt to climb the tree, certain he can get the squirrel. Because the yard is not fenced, the dogs are attached to a long lead-line, that gives them a wide range of mobility, but still limits how far the can go. 

The squirrels know just how high they need to go to be out of Ollie’s reach but still be able to effectively taunt him. Which they do incessantly - an angry chatter fills the air as the squirrels chastise the dog and bemoan his existence. Before long Ollie grows bored with squirrels and comes back inside, only to repeat the pattern again and again. I’m not exactly sure what triggers the timing of when he has to go outside. He will sit and watch the squirrels for hours through the sliding glass door, and then, for some unknown reason, he just can’t take it anymore, and has to go out after them. And, because this is a lifelong habit that my daughter has tried to break him of, I want to be clear that we do not endorse it, no matter how amusing it is to us.

All of these animals are driven by instinct. Perhaps they have some conscious awareness and some ability to determine their behavior, but most of it is instinct driven. Surely the deer know even as they lay in the snow, with their eyes attentive to our door, that the dogs are leashed and cannot get them. The squirrels and rabbits know it too, for they will often stand just outside of the reach of the leash, and not even move when the dogs race out. But most of the time they act and react out of instinct, predator and prey.

Our faith can be instinctual as well. Often we live our lives, and even practice our faith, based on motivations that are just outside of our conscious awareness. Sometimes we try and are able to articulate why we do what we do. Sometimes we can describe our experiences of God and how God has acted in our lives. But often we cannot. 

Over the last couple of Sundays I have shared some stories from my spiritual journey. I’ve reflected on the lives of my ancestors and wondered how much of their faith lives on in me, wondering if my call to be a parish priest resides in my DNA. You may wonder the same thing - how much influence have your ancestors had on your life? 

Last week I spoke about the years when I left church and how I found my way back; how my return to church had the marks of God all over it, although I didn’t know that at the time.

It is in retrospect that I am able to see where God was working in my life. But God has been at work often enough that I now trust that God is doing something even when I have no idea what or how. 

The same is true for each of you and for this church. Christ Church has been a part of Dearborn for nearly 150 years. Over this span of time God has been instrumental in shaping our parish community. From the first fifty years when there was great uncertainty over whether the church would survive, to its heyday in the 1950’s, to now with our many missions and ministries, God has been with us. Fifty years ago we were a large parish that was the hub of Episcopal life in Dearborn. In the 1950’s and 1960’s we launched three mission churches in the area: St. David’s in Garden City, St. Andrew’s in Livonia, and St. John of Beverly Mission to the Deaf. We supported St. Bartholomew’s mission parish in the 1920’s and when it closed in 1931 we welcomed their parishioners into our community. In those days Christ Church was how a man climbed the corporate ladder and found career success. Here a woman climbed the social ladder, made life-long friends, and found her work in guilds and clubs. Children attended dances and Sunday School and learned about religion.

Now Christ Church is smaller and our stature in Dearborn may be less prominent, however our vitality as a people of God remains strong. We continue to listen to God and follow the nudges and signs of God’s presence and interpret these into active mission work and ministries. We are smaller, but we remain strong and clear on who we are as a people of God. 

Part of the clarity that has formed our recent sense of identity came from the tremendous work done by the Charrette groups in 2010. It also comes from the wisdom of that time to recognize that more development was needed, and it would happen over time, with the calling of a new Rector. In my four years here we have done just that, developed a clear sense of mission and ministry, grounded in the that early work, but intended to carry us into the future. The work we have been about, discerning, clarifying, and listening, guides the process as we claim, and live into, our identity as a Community-Centered Church.

Whether we anchor our reflection this morning on the reading from Jonah or 1 Corinthians or Mark, the point remains the same - God claims us, calls out to us, leads us, has our back, and will never let us go. Our identity as individuals and as a congregation are found in God, whether we are actively aware of this or not. Through out the history of Christ Church in Dearborn, our instinct has been to make a difference in the lives of people. Right now, in particular, we are developing what this means though the Liberia SCHOOL Project, Blessings in a Backpack, dance lessons, music and voice lessons, Martial Arts, AA, the exterior plaza project and many creative ideas of how to use it, the labyrinth, the community garden, the memorial garden, the pet memorial garden, and soon, our plans for a 150 anniversary celebration. 

Today is our 148th Annual Meeting. We will review the mission and ministries of the year past, celebrate our Vestry and our Commissions, Committees, and Ministry Teams. We will elect new members to the Vestry and we will share a meal. It’s a time to rejoice and give thanks to God for God’s faithfulness to us and to thank the leaders of this parish who continue to discern God’s call to us, shaping and forming how we express our identity as Christ Church in the world. 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

God Calls Us to Our Truest Self

A reflection for the second Sunday after the Epiphany: 1 Samuel 3:1-20; Psalm 139:1-6; 13-18; 1 Cor 6:12-20, and John 1:43-51

Many years ago I left the church. I left it and didn’t look back for sixteen years. At first I rejected all forms of religion. I scoffed at religious ideas and practices. I was a seventeen year old, and fairly typical of a skeptic in the 1970’s. Eventually life became more complicated and demanded more of me. I started to look more deeply within my self and outside of my self for some direction. I yearned to understand the meaning of life and what my purpose in it might be. Who was I? And more importantly, “what was I supposed to do with my life?” College, and the years post college, were filled with these existential questions. Eventually I began trying on religious practices from other faith traditions. And I say trying on the practices because I didn’t join any religious communities nor did I invest in learning about the tradition, I just learned enough to take on the practices. I learned meditation from Buddhism, practiced contemplation of the beauty of nature and adopted some new age distortions of Native American ideas around spiritual healing using herbs, and gemstones. I was clearly yearning for something spiritual in my life. 

One day, while in the middle of meditating, I found myself ruminating on the dilemma of how to anchor the many loose threads of spirituality that I was exploring. It suddenly occurred to me that I was feeling a renewed connection to Christianity. I had started attending Christmas and Easter services in the Roman Catholic church. I was drawn to liturgy, to the rhythm of worship, to music and prayer. But most of all I was drawn to the incarnation and the resurrection, although I would not have used those words back then. In hindsight I would say that I was drawn to the mystery of the spiritual life that Christianity engages.

At the time, this idea, that I was drawn to Christianity was absolutely startling. When I left the church I thought I was leaving it for good. I turned my back on the Christianity that I knew, narrow-minded and full of certainty. I didn’t know, even when I had this startling awakening, that there were forms of Christianity that would speak deeply into my yearning and allow me to enter into the mystery of faith, living with the questions, without platitudes and simplistic answers.

The idea that God spoke to me that clearly in that moment has stayed with me. It is probably the only time I have heard God speak that directly to me. All the other times when I think God has guided my life have been slower processes of revelation. But thank goodness I was listening that day, took notice, and did something in response.

True, it took me another three years or so to find my way to the Episcopal Church. But even that was a journey of preparation and maturation. I got married, bought a house, had a baby, and then went back to church. I’ve been here ever since. 

Its been over thirty years since that day when I head God speak to me, and since then I’ve learned a few things about Christianity.  Returning to church was crucial to my formation as a Christian, its not something one can do on one’s own. The practices I took up when I was searching were meaningless because I had not entered into community, nor formed meaningful relationships with the other people. Meditation was solitary. Exploring new age spirituality revealed an anything goes set of ideologies and practices that left me feeling untethered and confused. The church brought me into community, into relationships with friends, clergy colleagues, and parishioners, and into a history of Christian tradition, beliefs, and practices that have shaped and formed me ever since. I found tradition without being stuck in traditionalism. 

When I reflect on the readings in the Bible like today’s reading from Samuel and also from the Gospel of John, I totally understand how Samuel felt, and how Nathaniel and the other disciples felt. I understand the urge to get up and follow God’s call. 

Samuel’s call changed forever the nature of priest and the role of prophets in the Jewish tradition. The house of Eli, where Samuel lived, had broken down and failed in its ability to do God’s work in the world. Through Samuel God initiated a new approach to faith,  justice and equality. 

Our Psalm this morning offers us a vision God, as a being who is intimately involved in creation and in our lives. Six times the psalm tells us how God molded creation, shaped and formed us and knows us more deeply than we could ever know ourselves.

Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians broadens the description of our identity, of who we are as God’s beloved. He is responding to the church in Corinth, where the people are behaving poorly. Corinth was a wealthy seaport city, with lots of influence from merchants and travelers. It had a high standard of living and a lively social structure. The people in the church in Corinth thought that they could behave any way they liked because Jesus had done the hard work of saving them from their sins, so what they did wouldn't actually matter. Paul reminds them that it does matter. Most of all, how they treat their bodies, and the bodies of other people was crucial to their spiritual well-being. Our bodies are the vessel through which we reveal God’s presence in the world. Our bodies - hands, heart, feet, brain, and spirit work together to bring forth God’s desire in the world. Treating others as if they don’t matter, having empty physical relationships, failing to respect the dignity and integrity of another, is not living as God desires. Paul calls the people in Corinth to a higher standard, a better sense of their identity as a Christian community. 

In the reading from the Gospel of John, Jesus is revealed as one who is so filled with God that people are automatically drawn to him. In response to his words, and even in response to his presence, they drop everything and follow. It’s as if in the person of Jesus, the early disciples sense a connection to their true identity, a bond with God that speaks most profoundly into their deepest sense of self, and they are compelled to listen to a call from God that resonates deep within and follow. 

God reveals God’s self to us in words, in visions and images, in the world around us, in other people, through one another, in Jesus of Nazareth, in the Word made flesh, in the resurrection, in the Holy Spirit, in the Church, in music and art and nature. In all these ways, and more, God reveals God’s self to us, shapes and forms us in our identity as a people of God. God calls to us, speaking deep into our souls, addressing the pervasive emptiness that is symptomatic of  living an inauthentic life. God yearns for us! God knows us inside and out and wants only the very best for us. God calls out to us, and our natural response, whether we know it or not, is to follow. Because following is the only true response to our deepest yearning. Following enables us to know our selves in such a way that our lives have meaning and purpose. In following God, we find our most authentic sense of self and our true identity as God’s beloved.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Friday Five: Baby it's cold outside!

Jan, over at the RevGals invites us to reflect on five ways we cope with the cold:

1. I drink lots of hot beverages, tea and coffee.

2. I eat wintery meals - pot roasts in the slow-cooker, soups and chili. My favorite soups are lentil, white bean chicken chili, beef stew, and chicken vegetable. I make up my own recipes, make everything from scratch, and no two are ever the same.

3. I exercise in-doors using a stationary bike and yoga classes.

4. When I have to go outside, I bundle up as much as possible, leaving very little skin exposed.

5. I light a fire in the fireplace, drink hot tea, and read a book.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Into the void: chaos, God, life....

A reflection on Genesis 1:1-5, Mark 1:4-11

In 1904 a Swedish mathematician named Helge von Koch created what has become known as the Koch snowflake. Koch was trying to work out some principles in chaos theory called “fractals.” Fractals are self-repeating elements that recreate themselves in a similar manner over and over ad infinitum. Fractals are complex and occur in nature such as trees, rivers, mountains, and so forth.

However, unlike Koch’s snowflake, which created the same pattern in each of his snowflakes, nothing in creation is ever created exactly the same as another. No two trees are exactly the same, no two rivers are exactly the same, no two humans are exactly the same. 

Chaos theory is the science of things that are nonlinear and unpredictable. Most science deals with predictable elements like chemical reactions or gravity. But chaos theory delves into those places that exist between predictability, the space where transition happens. Some of the common descriptions of chaos theory include the butterfly effect - that a butterfly flapping it’s wings in one part of the world will impact the weather on the other side of the world. Chaos theory attempts to describe the transition between order and disorder and a return to order.

For example, we know that weather patterns are unpredictable. Slight changes, on a molecular level in one place, will completely change the weather pattern. Computer projections can only give us approximations of what might happen, but nothing can predict with absolute certainty what will happen. 

Uncertainty is not a state that human beings appreciate. We like to know what the weather is going to be like so we can dress appropriately. We like to set our budget and feel comfortable that we can live within it. We like to rest in assurance. But the truth is, there is no assurance of the future and nothing is predictable, even though we may try to be prepared for any eventuality. 

Thankfully the science of biology teaches us that a little chaos in creation is necessary for life to continue, to prevent stagnation and death. Chaos is generative.

One way of considering the unpredictable nature of life is that it keeps us on our toes. Unpredictability and randomness and chaos force us to rise to the occasion and tap into our most creative juices. Of course we have a choice. We can choose to be creative or we can choose to become stagnant.

This time of year the staff and Vestry are spending time thinking back over the last year in preparation for the Annual Meeting. As we prepare for the meeting we always take a count of the deaths, weddings, and baptisms in this church. We realized that since June of 2011 we have had 37 funerals. 

No doubt the loss of so many beloved parishioners in just three and a half years has impacted us financially, spiritually,  and emotionally. With so much loss, death could easily be the place where we put our emphasis and focus. Certainly taking time to remember those we love and those we have lost, and to grieve is important. But allowing death to define us, any one of us, or all of us, will truly limit our ability to follow God. However, facing into death can open us up to possibility. Facing into death reminds us that we cannot postpone living.

It’s good to remember that in the same time frame, since June of 2011, we have had 16 baptisms, 10 weddings or commitment ceremonies, and 29 new members pledging their support to the mission and ministries of this parish. 

Since June of 2011 we have launched many new ministries. These include the Liberia School Project, the building now 50% complete, and already being used in a variety of ways. The people at our sister church, Good Shepherd in Paynesville, Liberia have inspired us with their faith and trust in God!

We have also launched Blessings in a Backpack, remodeled room 213 to make it a more viable dance classroom and children’s prayer room, and we’ve opened a food pantry that feeds over 23 families each month. We have almost completed the pew project increasing our wheel chair and walker accessibility in the church, and we’re working on the exterior plaza project, opening the front of the church to greater use and offering a gathering place for our neighbors and friends. We increased the size of our community garden and built a gorgeous fence that won us an award from the city of Dearborn. The Holiday Market, which started in Nov. 2011, has become our primary social event of the year as we open our church to artists and the hundreds of shoppers who attend. We continue to be a home for AA, Boy Scouts, Martial Arts, dance classes for adults and kids, yoga classes, voice and music lessons, and Creating Hope International - an organization that aides in educating women in Afghanistan. We offer office space to the League of Women Voters and AAUW, the American Association of University Women. Chapel Day preschool, one of our primary ministries, is still going strong after fifty years. Our Summer Arts Camp merges faith and the arts and feeds the creative sprits of young people every summer. 

We are a community centered church making a difference in the world because we have been willing to be creative and take risks to follow God’s call to us and live into our mission.

One aspect of the pew project that is still under consideration is the baptismal font. When we removed it in October in order to lay the new floor and adapt the pews for wheel chairs, we put the font in the entrance way, where it was originally placed when this church was built. The font itself was constructed sometime between 1920 and 1924 in honor of a member of this parish who was a civil war veteran.

When we first moved the font, we had no baptisms planned for the foreseeable future. But in the nature of unpredictability, since moving it, we have had three baptisms and one more planned for next month. Thankfully we have a small portable font that matches our architecture which can be easily moved into this space for the baptisms.

Our hope is that the big font can be put onto a base that will make it portable. The font is in three pieces, weighing over three hundred pounds each, that sit one on top of the other, held in place only by their weight. It’s a big project, but no doubt, with time, we’ll solve the dilemma of the font, as we always do. 

The point is, just like chaos theory, a little change in one place can have a huge impact elsewhere. The pew project has been both a practical solution to a problem and a source of creative inspiration as we consider how to use our space and our baptismal font.

As the list of all of our ministries reminds us, death is not the dominant fractal of our reality, our story. We have clear evidence of amazing creativity and new life springing forth from us, thanks be to God. 

Each of our readings this morning describe God’s creative and redemptive action in the world.. Through Jesus, God has revealed God’s desire to work with us, with human beings, to transform chaos into new life. With God, we can face into the chaos that will surely come, although we know not when, or how, it will appear. Baptized into the life of Christ we can walk into the waters of life, be they turbulent or calm, and trust that the only predictability in life is that God is with us every step along the way. 

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Friday Five: Random, New

MaryBeth, over at RevGals offers this "random" Friday Five with a theme of "New."

1. If you have one, what is your new resolution? I don't make New Year's resolutions. But I do make efforts through out the year to improve myself. Last May I went on a health kick, eating less carbs and sugar and more veggies and protein. I lost some weight as a result, although that wasn't exactly what I was going for. Now I find, ironically that I have to add those carbs back into my diet because I have developed reflux and seem to need a more a simple and relatively bland diet. Eating more simply, along with some medication, seems to help. Also, as I always do in the winter, I am trying to keep up with my exercise. We bought a recumbent bike and I use that for cardio and then my usual go to yoga as much as possible. Yoga has made me stronger. A lot stronger. Also, I am a Spiritual Direction intern, so I am working on the spiritual side, too. And I am taking classes with the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center and learning more about myself, my family, and how to be less anxious and more self-differentiated. So, no resolutions per se, but always working on myself. 
2. Many folks choose a new word for a year’s beginning, as Marci’s congregation does with StarWords. Some let their word choose them, like Christine at Abbey of the Arts. Do you have a word for the year? I tried the starword with my church last year but it didn't really take hold with us, or me, although I still like the idea. So, no. No word for the year.
3. What is your new favorite exclamation/phrase at times of joy or frustration? Uhm. I'm not sure.I am over "awesome"...and not sure what is replacing it...
4. Do you have a new favorite food, or an old one you are newly enjoying? I'm making pasta with a tomato cream sauce and turkey meatballs more often these days. I can't eat regular tomato sauce these days without my reflux acting up so I make a cream sauce and add diced tomatoes to dilute the cream a little. Do you think the turkey meatballs offset the fat in the cream sauce? lol
5. Finally, in general: what is your new favorite thing? I am doing a lot of new things but not sure if any one of them is my "favorite"... although I must say I love riding the bike while reading a book. I have a difficult time just sitting and reading, unless I am on vacation and have resolved to do nothing. So riding the bike is doing something (an hour of something) and I get to read too.