“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.”
Poet Muriel Rukeyser

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Twenty Two Years Married

On Friday, August 17, my husband and I will celebrate twenty-two years of married life. I'd like to say it's been many years of joy and bliss...but alas...that is not the case. We have probably spent more years pondering the purpose of our marriage and whether we ought to remain married than we've had years of being happy. It has been a rough go of it.

What has made it difficult? Well, a number of things. My mother. As I've mentioned in a previous couple of posts. Thankfully NOT his family, who have been wonderful, and who have been real family to me, us, our kids. No. The challenges have come from things like: alcoholism and, thankfully, recovery (not me); illness and death (FIL and BIL and my mother); finances - that's the big one. I keep thinking, it's only money - but the lack of really sucks. I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY...; and of course raising kids.

But through it all there has been: friendship, love, mutual support, kindness. We don't always see eye to eye. I like to read, he likes to watch TV - that's a big one too.

And, he didn't marry a priest, but in time his wife became one. THAT was huge. However, over time, he has become my biggest supporter. My ministry in the parish is really a team ministry with my husband. He works almost as hard as I do to help us live into our hopes, dreams, and goals. While I'm at the altar he's at the door welcoming folks in and making sure people have what they need. It's really amazing. And, he listens to all my sermons. Sunday after Sunday for almost 10 years. He's become a pretty good "critic"...and I take seriously what he says about others when they preach (like our students and deacons).

Anyway, here we are. 22 years.

Friday, he has to work most of the day and then also at his second job that night. I think we'll have some time to take the dogs out for walk in the afternoon. On Sat. we'll go to an art fair (kind of an annual anniversary tradition) between the funeral I have in the morning and his night time job. Then on Sunday we have a family birthday party.

That's life. Twenty two years of marriage. I've known him for 24 years, almost half my life, half of his.

I'm glad we've made it past the years when I thought the only answer was divorce. Yeah, I've been there several times. And, this is not to dish divorce, it's sometimes the right choice or at least the choice that is made. I could have made it, I would have been ok if I had. It's not like I made the "better" choice...it's just the decision I made...But. At least I can say, our marriage is strong, not perfect, but good enough.

So. Here's to 22 years and 22 more, 'cuz now I'm sure I'm in it for the long haul...

My Body is Wacked

Maybe some of you have this experience. As I get older I am having the MOST disconcerting mood swings. Actually, I wouldn't describe them as mood swings, more like the mood takes a nose dive, and then after a few days I'm myself again. But, while I'm living in the nose dive, life feels almost impossible, heavy, dark, depressing.

I'm an optimist. I usually feel pretty good and balanced, almost no matter what. You, know. I get sad when something saddens me, or glad when something makes me happy, the normal stuff of feelings.

But this last year, whoa. This is something else all together. And. I know why. (Hormones). And I know someday my body will move through this. And when I'm in that deep dark funk I can usually plod along, going through the motions of living, telling myself it will pass in a few days.

And it does.

Almost just like that. (snap fingers)

My chiropractor is working to balance this. Through acupressure he is trying to balance the imbalance. Recently I asked him if he could just make the hormones stop altogether, just put me in menopause. sigh. He said no, it doesn't work that way. sigh.